Heaven, Hell, or Tree?

Religion

It's the one discussion at the dinner table that every family can have and does have.
Some people can't wrap their minds around how there could ever be no God.
Some, the opposite, and don't have faith because they need reason.

When I was 14 I got baptized at New Temple Baptist.
And I followed God and spread His word to as many people as I could.
All for a little over a year.
And I strayed away.

16-18 I was gullible towards religion, if it seemed interesting, possible, or just out of this world, i believed it.
I was Agnostic, I made blasphemous jokes constantly, it's who I became.

Now, I'm no where near that, I still can't wrap my mind around God.
My prayers still begin with "Lord, or whatever is out there listening"
But I want to believe.
I just don't have faith.

But then, how can I have faith in something that I don't know.
I've never read the bible, I don't go to church enough to hear the Truth.
And I think it's time for a change. Time to pick up a very thick book with very thin pages and just dig deep, and know that He has always been there, and He will always be there.

A girl, who I adore with my whole heart, is my concrete slab, my foundation on finding the Truth and learning.
And If I could see her everyday to say thank you, I would.
But since I can't, I will find the truth and live by it, to show her that I do thank her.

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As stated above, I have been Baptized, But I hear I am to be Re-Baptized.
I find this Sacrilegious. Baptism is a sacred and holy thing, there are no restart buttons or Do overs.

So I'm here to say, I'm not getting Baptized again.
I will confess and repent.

Hopefully the Lord agrees.